Wednesday, September 14, 2011

9 Years Ago Today.....

....I woke up in Iowa City bright and early (with only a slight headache from the night before) all revved up to tailgate for the Iowa/Iowa State game. My phone rang just a few minutes past 7am and I remember looking down, seeing my parents phone number and thinking to myself as I raised the phone to my ear, "Should I say 'Hi, Mom' or 'Hi, Dad' when I answer".

I went with the later.

My brother's sad, almost unrecognizable, voice answered in return. When he first choked out the words, my initial reaction was to yell at him. Stop saying that. Stop saying those words. Let me talk to Dad.

9 years ago today, my dad passed away from a massive heart attack in his sleep. He fell asleep and never woke up. He literally fell asleep on his side, and never moved again from that position. That thought has always given me comfort. There was no pain, only peace.

But that peace left our family with a big hole. A big giant hole that only a dad/grandpa/husband can fill. I miss you, Dad. I miss hearing you say, "I never did like you" (our funny little way of saying I love you). I miss hearing you ask me when the last time was I had my oil changed. You know what I did the morning of my wedding? Bright and early, when other soon-to-be-brides would normally be off pampering themselves, I went and filled my car up with gas, had it washed, and had my oil changed. It was the only way I could have a little 'father/daughter' time on my big day.

It makes me angry still to think of big moments that we missed out on. You should have been there on my wedding day to dance that awkward dance with me. You should have been there to see my 1st home. You should have been there for the births of my babies. Birthdays. Holidays. All of it. I'm just missing you, Dad. Today and always.

Mom was just saying the other day, this girl would have you wrapped around her little finger. Pretty sure I would have to agree :) Her attitude some days may only slightly resemble someone you once knew....

Today was her 1st day of preschool....and this is what the majority of the pictures turned out like.

Those curls and that face would have worked all kinds of magic over you.

I think tonight when I'm tucking the kids into bed, I'm going to tell them "You know, I really never did like you"....just to see what they say. I'm sure I'll eventually tell them it's actually a term of endearment, and that I really do love them to pieces....but I think it'll make you smile to hear their reactions :)

Love you, Dad.

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