Thursday, March 24, 2011

Go-Go Gadget Arms

As a mommy, it's my job to fix the boo-boo's. You put a little disinfecting ointment on the owie, slap a Bandaid on it, give a little kiss to the forehead and off they go. But what happens when you can't fix it. When I can't fix it. Better yet, when I can't fix her. What happens when they just haven't made a Bandaid that fits this owie? You know what's enough to keep a mother awake at night?? When you know that they know how to make that Bandaid, but unfortunately they just can't afford it. The government won't give them the funding they need to research and produce that exact Bandaid. So, they rely solely on people like you and me, to go out there and raise money. Average people like you and me who know how important that damn Bandaid is. Sure, we have some preventative Bandaids that may keep their little knees from getting scratched up for a little while...but give them some time. The Bandaids will wear down, the boo-boo's will come, and the permanent scarring will eventually come, too. The permanent lung scarring that will make Rylan feel like she is breathing threw a tiny straw, all day long. These Bandaids just aren't doing the trick.

I love my daughter. I love everything about her. Including the 'imperfections'. I remember another CF mom explaining it like this....'a gift is not about the packaging, it's about what's inside.' Ry's 'packaging' may not work perfectly all of the time, even with all the preventative Bandaids we slap on her, but I can tell you what's inside that packaging is a miracle in and of itself. To elaborate on that thought even more, a gift isn't just about the packaging, or even what's's meaningfulness comes from the GIVER of the gift and the gift's intention. Rylan is a gift from God, plain and simple. And there isn't one moment of any day that I'm not beyond thankful for her. For EVERYTHING she is. I thank God every day for picking ME to be her mommy. Every. Single. Day. He gave her to me with the knowledge that I would be the exact kind of mommy she needs. Most days I don't feel deserving of that role, but every day I strive (and fail a LOT) to be just that kind of mother. The kind of mother that God wants me to be....

With all of that is one of those days where I'm failing. I'm tired. Better yet, I'm exhausted. And I just want a break from it all. I want a break from living, breathing (ha, what a wonderful pun NOT intended), thinking, planning, dealing, dosing, disinfecting, fighting CF. I know with all the chaos and devastation in the world, MY problems are the last ones I should be complaining about.....but I just need to let it all roll out of my mouth for a minute. If you could hear how hard I'm smacking the keys on my laptop you would probably run for the hills. I just want ONE day off. That's it. One day. One day where I'm not consciously or SUBconsciously thinking about it all. Planning fundraisers, writing letters, posting requests on Facebook, always asking people for, money, money. That's all it would take. MONEY. Something so absurd and earthly as money. The science is there for my little girl to breathe easy for the rest of her life. The money is not. That's a pretty good reason for me to just be pissed off. It's as if the magic pill is sitting right there....but my 'Go Go Gadget' arms just can't reach it.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Thank you, Petsmart.

You know what is the best (and cheapest!!) kid's entertainment? Petsmart. Seriously, these kids and I spent an hour and a half perusing the aisles today. Or, should I say, they spent an hour and a half running at full speed up and down the aisles.....only pausing long enough to tap on the glass of every fish bowl and reptile or hamster cage. I spent the entire time frantically chasing after them....trying my best to keep them both in sight, while simultaneously smiling and apologizing over my shoulder to every employee that was giving us the evil eye.

Regardless of how worn out I was by the time we left, they had so much fun. Rylan did stop long enough (but of course not long enough for me to snap a picture) to sit and watch the little dogs in doggy daycare. She literally parked her little rump on the ground and sat 'crisscross applesauce' right in front of the glass to watch them run around. The sweetest little white furball came over and reached its paw up at the exact same moment Rylan reached her chubby little paw up to the glass to say hi. Too cute for words.....

THIS is what Kohen tried to convince me we just HAD to have. His reasoning? Apparently having this in his room is all it would take for him to magically not be scared of the dark anymore!! A Chinese Water Dragon. Magic. Who knew?! Needless to say, we left the store with 2 beta fish (in separate bowls of course, I'm not that terrible of a mother), a red guy named Herbie Husker and a blue guy named 'Mine'. Bet you can't guess which one belongs to the 2.5 year old!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Pump it Up for CF!!!

Last Thursday, we held our 3rd Annual Pump it Up for Cystic Fibrosis fundraiser and, as the pictures will show, a good time was had by all. Thank you to everyone who braved the cold weather that evening and made it out! We were a little anxious to see how Rylan would fare, seeing as though this was her 1st time at a kids' play area like this....we were warned from the beginning of her CF diagnosis to forgo inflatables and play areas due to germs, etc. But, thankfully, we decided to throw caution to the wind....and let her have her cake (or cupcakes, heavy on the S) and EAT THEM TOO! Take THAT cystic fibrosis. You're basically just a royal pain in the, we're not giving you anymore of our time than necessary. HA! Or as my dad would have said.....NEENER NEENER NEENER.

She was literally BOUNCING off the chair and the party hadn't even started.....

Sporting our matching roses :)

I think she had a bit of 'sensory overload' after awhile....perhaps it was from me forcing coercing her into going down the giant slide on my lap? She found refuge in this car shortly there after...and didn't get back out for a good 15 minutes. Hey! Moms need to have fun, too! Even if it is at their kids' expense sometimes :)

All the wild monkeys.....

Mmmmmm.....greazzy pizza and 'lemonlaid'!!

And, finally, the cupcakes! Errr, should I say the tops to the cupcakes. Four cupcakes.

Definitely a child after my own heart.