Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Dear Kohen....

Happy 6th birthday!! I doubt you'd be surprised if I told you that I've shed a few tears today. Of course, none that you saw....I couldn't possibly embarass you like that. Wink, wink. I just can't believe it's been 6 years. 6 years ago I laid eyes on you for the 1st time. Somehow that seems like a lifetime ago and only yesterday, all at the same time. It's honestly hard for me to remember my life before you, and really I'd rather not remember it. You have made my life so unbelievably perfect. You. Perfectly you. You are such an amazing young boy. I am so proud of everything you are....even though I have been debating recently on whether or not to have your hearing checked :) You have officially entered that stage. But, I love you all the same. Even with your male selective hearing.

I remember that morning you were born, opening my eyes after hearing your 1st screams to see 14 doctors and nurses in our room....ready to whisk you away to the NICU. You were born 8 weeks early and weighed 4.1 lbs and 18.5 inches long. You were so tiny. So tiny and SO beautiful. I couldn't sleep that night knowing you were only a floor away, so I snuck through the quiet hallways to your room. I remember all of the machines beeping and buzzing, and all of the wires and IV's laying around you that only made you seem even smaller. I stood there with tears streaming down my cheeks, unable to tear my eyes off of you. I was totally unable to comprehend how I could already love someone SO much that I would literally, wholeheartedly, die for them. On Day #2, a doctor (who would later become one of my favorite people on this planet) came to tell us you needed an emergency 'exploratory' surgery. There was excess air in your abdomen and they didn't know where it was coming from. I remember immediately looking at this surgeon's hands. His gianormous hands. You were a day and a half old and weighed barely 4 lbs and we were about to put your sweet little life into this 6'5'' doctor's gianormous hands. I would have given anything to trade places with you. Anything.

A few hours later, that surgeon reentered our room and the 1st words out of his mouth were, "The surgery went better than expected, your son is doing great." The 1st words out of my mouth were, "I love you!" as I lept out of bed to give him a hug (I think I surprised your daddy a little bit with that one). It ended up that you had an ileal atresia, or in mommy's terms, a hole in your small intestines. That big scar across your tummy is a constant reminder to me that life is so fragile and precious. It reminds me of being a brand new mommy and how scary those 1st few months were. But, it also reminds me of your strength. You've been a fighter and one of the biggest blessings in my life since Day #1. So, even though YOUR version of the story consists of a grizzly bear attack in Wyoming.....MY story is slightly more truthful, but filled with just as much pride. You are everything a mommy could ask for.....and then some.

So, I will leave you with this. Thank you. Thank you for making me a mommy and for making me laugh every single day since. You mean more to me that you will ever know. You are an incredible son and I cannot wait to see what your future has in store. Even if it is a 'professional Lego builder'. XOXO ~ Mommy

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